Don't call me short
by animeragon
Summary: When a little girl makes a vow to kill her friends using Murtagh and is blessed with supreme authoress powers, chaos spreads over alagaesia. and the girl is schizoprenic. technically. NOT murtaghxOC. crack.
1. Chapter 1 the girl named Char

**Don't call me short**.

Disclaimer: don't own nothing but kira and me and plot. don't sue me. i'm eleven. thanks.

One peaceful day on earth, in a private Catholic girls' school, four girls were paper IM-ing each other. Yes, PAPER. These girls were actually part of the Top Ten of the class, but the lesson was _**so**_ boring. These girls were named Cha-chan, Chi-chan, Ka-chan, and Pao-kun, who was a girl. Anyway, they were teasing Cha-chan about a guy named Murtagh and making him do horrible, disgusting things. So the last thing that Cha-chan wrote was a vow that she would make Murtagh kill them in a fanfic. Several months later, she remembered, took a flashlight and a pen and paper, and wrote long into the night.

-part one- the girl named Char

Murtagh had been summoned to the throne room. He and Thorn were having a small picnic when a soldier came up to them. So naturally, he was embarrassed and stabbed the soldier dead. Now he was walking along the long halls of the palace thinking of an excuse to why he killed the poor soldier.

As he entered the throne room, he noticed that it was unusually dark. Then, a torch that was near the throne lit up. Instead of the king, an eleven-year-old was sitting there.

"Who are you?" asked Murtagh suspiciously.

"I have a job for you, Rider." said a cold voice.

"Who are you?!?" said Murtagh.

"My name is Char. I am your new liege lord."

"Char?"

"You must do something for me."

"Where is the King?"

"You don't need to know."

"What did you do to him?"

"Put him to sleep."

"How?"

"Magic."

"You defeated him?"

The girl smiled a dark, evil smile that would send shivers down anyone's back.

"In this world I have limitless powers."

"You do?"

"Yes."

"Show me."

Then, someone, probably the girl, attacked his mind. In an instant, she had broken through his defenses easily like a knife through butter. Shifting through his memories, the girl lingered maliciously inside his mind, as if to prove her point. Then, the pain receded as she drew out. Murtagh was left kneeling on the floor. Then, another girl ran out from the shadows to his side. "What did you do, Kira?" she yelled. She kneeled down and shook the shaking rider. "Are you okay?"

"Come, on Char. Your stupid crush was weaker then I thought."

The girl in front of Murtagh blushed. "You should call Thorn." she said.

Then, the big red dragon suddenly appeared in the middle of the room.

"_why is it so dark in here? Murtagh?"_

Thorn turned around and saw the girl shaking a shaking Murtagh (a/n: O.o). Thorn roared angrily and shoved the girl to the side, where she looked sadly at them. The girl on the throne, Kira, raised an eyebrow. "Oh, come on. Just heal him, Char,"

Char shook her head. "I don't want to force him." Kira snorted. "You and your stupid sentimentality."

"_Thorn? Is that you?"_

"_Murtagh! Are you alright? What happened?"_

"_She broke through, Thorn. She knows what I am."_

"_How" _Thorn said, shocked.

"_She said she had limitless power here, in this world."_

"_She comes from a different world?"_

"_She said she wanted me to do something."_

"_What of the other?"_

"_I don't know her. She ran out when I collapsed."_

"_They look identical, Murtagh."_

"_Are they sisters?"_

Just then, the girl named Char came to them.

"I'm sorry for what Kira did."

Thorn roared at her. She stepped backwards. Murtagh stood up.

"Are you alright?" She asked.

"Who are you?" Murtagh asked slowly.

"My name is Char, and that is Kira."

"Are you related?"

"_and where do you come from?" Thorn added._

"Kira is my… opposite, if you will. My evil side, in human form. We come from a place called Earth."

"Evil?"

"She can be as deranged-"

"HEY!" shouted Kira.

Char shrugged "- as Galbatorix himself, but-"

"DON'T YOU DARE COMPARE ME TO THAT-"

"sometimes she can be as harmless-"

"ARE YOU CALLING ME WEAK?!?!"

"as a little puppy. Now, though, I think she's pissed, isn't she?"

Murtagh looked amusedly at both of them. They did look identical, with tan skin and dark brown, almost black hair. Kira looked like she would burn them to a crisp if she could breathe fire, while Char was smirking triumphantly at her. Thorn said quietly, _"they really still are children, aren't they?"_

Still fuming, Kira turned to Murtagh.

"Rider, we need you to track down 3 people."

"I vowed to make you kill them." said Char sadly.

"But how did you know about us?" asked Murtagh

Char looked at Kira nervously. "Well, you see, in our world, there's this book called Eragon… and it's about all your adventures, and then there's the movie…"

"_What's a movie?" _asked Thorn.

"Never mind that." said Kira "The point is, we know you guys and Char here stupidly promised that she'd make you kill them."

"Who's them?" Murtagh asked.

"My friends." Said Char.

"_why?"_ asked Thorn.

Char blushed and turned away, while Kira snorted and grinned at her.

"Never mind that." Said Char quickly.

Kira snorted and said "They made you do things. Technically it wasn't you, but it scarred her" she jabbed her thumb towards Char, who flushed redder and bowed her head.

"_what happened?" _asked Thorn

Char shuddered.

"I don't think you'd want to know." she said suddenly.

"Where do you think your friends are?" asked Murtagh, thankfully changing the subject.

"Well, I know that Chi-chan is an evil ninja. And Ka-chan is a witch." said Char.

"And that Pao-kun is a fugitive." added Kira.

"An evil ninja?" asked Murtagh skeptically.

"Do you know what a ninja is?" asked Char.

And with that they started chatting way into the afternoon.

**A/N: hi minna-san!! please review!! please!!!!**


	2. Chapter 2

The four of them were at the training grounds of the castle. Kira had turned into a dragon to train Thorn and flew off with him.

Char turned into a ninja. One of the black-suited ones with katanas on their backs.

"This, Murtagh is what a ninja looks like." she said.

She pulled out a shuriken. One of the pointy black stars that ninjas use to pin people to a wall.

"This, Murtagh, is a shuriken. It's used like this." and with that, she threw it towards a straw dummy at the edge of a field and chopped its head off. (a/n: i'm a mary-sue!!)

"So ninjas use those to cut people up?" asked Murtagh.

"Yeah. They can also be used to pin people. Like this." She threw some towards a new recruit near the castle wall. The poor boy slammed into the brick wall.

"Sorry!" shouted Char. "Murtagh, look at his clothes. You notice that the shuriken pinned the cloth to the wall?"

"yeah." said Murtagh.

"Here. Ninja research. Read it." Char handed him a laptop.

"All of it?!?" moaned Murtagh. The laptop showed wikipedia's explanation on ninjas.

"Do you _really_ have to ask that?" said Char.

------------------------------------------

-this is what Murtagh had to read-

-if you don't wanna read, scroll way down to the line of dashes-

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A **ninja** (忍者, _ninja_) is a highly skilled operator, specially trained in the art and science of assassination, espionage, guerilla warfare, covert killing, and combative martial arts. In Japanese culture, they are usually trained for dangerous and high-risk stealth clandestine missions very similar to those of the modern day special forces like the US Navy Seals or British SAS. Although their exact origins are still unknown, with some historians speculating about some Chinese origin or influence, it is known that they appeared in fourteenth century feudal Japan, and remained active from the Kamakura to the Edo period. Their roles may have included sabotage, espionage, scouting and assassination missions as a way to destabilize and cause social chaos in enemy territory or against an opposing ruler, perhaps in the service of their feudal rulers (daimyo, shogun), or an underground ninja organization waging guerilla warfare.

Etymology 

_Ninja_ is the _on'yomi_ reading of the two kanji 忍者 used to write _shinobi-no-mono_ (忍の者), which is the native Japanese word for people who practice _ninjutsu_ (忍術, sometimes erroneously transliterated as _ninjitsu_). The words: _ninja_ and _shinobi-no-mono_, along with _shinobi,_ another variant; became popular in the post-World War II culture[_citation needed_. The term _shinobi_ (historically _sino__2__bi__2_ written with the Man'yōgana 志能備), has been traced as far back as the late 8th century when Heguri Uji no Iratsume wrote a poem[1 [2 to Ōtomo no Yakamochi. The underlying connotation of _shinobi_ (忍), in Sino-Japanese means "to steal away" and—by extension—"to forbear," hence its association with stealth and invisibility. _Mono_ (者, likewise pronounced _sha_ or _ja_) means "person." The _nin_ of _ninjutsu_ is the same as that in _ninja_, whereas _jutsu_ (術) means skill or art, so _ninjutsu_ means "the skill of going unperceived" or "the art of stealth"; hence, _ninja_ and _shinobi-no-mono_ (as well as _shinobi_) may be translated as "one skilled in the art of stealth." Similarly, the pre-war word _ninjutsu-zukai_ means "one who uses the art of remaining unperceived."

Other terms which may be used are _oniwaban_ (お庭番 "one in the garden"), _suppa_, _rappa_, _mitsumono_, _kusa_ (草 grass) and _Iga-mono_ ("one from Iga").

In English, the plural of _ninja_ can be either unchanged as _ninja_, reflecting the Japanese language's lack of grammatical number, or the regular English plural _ninjas_.[3

Historical period of origin 

The ninja use of stealth tactics against better-armed enemy samurai does not mean that they were limited to espionage and undercover work: that is simply where their actions most notably differed from the more accepted tactics of samurai. Their weapons and tactics were partially derived from the need to conceal or defend themselves quickly from samurai, which can be seen from the similarities between many of their weapons and various sickles and threshing tools used at the time. [1.

Ninjas as a group first began to be written about in 15th century feudal Japan as martial organizations predominately in the regions of Iga and Koga of central Japan, though the practice of guerrilla warfare and undercover espionage operations goes back much further.

At this time, the conflicts between the clans of daimyo that controlled small regions of land had established guerrilla warfare and assassination as a valuable alternative to frontal assault. Since Bushido, the Samurai Code, forbade such tactics as dishonorable, a daimyo could not expect his own troops to perform the tasks required; thus, he had to buy or broker the assistance of ninja to perform selective strikes, espionage, assassination, and infiltration of enemy strongholds (Turnbull 2003).

There are a few people and groups of people regarded as having been potential historical ninja from approximately the same time period. It is rumored that some of the higher-ranking daimyos and shoguns were in fact ninja, and exploited their role as ninja-hunters to deflect suspicion and obscure their participation in the 'dishonorable' ninja methods and training.

Though typically classified as assassins, many of the ninja were warriors in all senses. In Hayes's book, _Mystic Arts of the Ninja_, Hattori Hanzo, one of the most well-known ninja, is depicted in armor similar to that of a samurai. Hayes also says that those who ended up recording the history of the ninja were typically those within positions of power in the military dictatorships, and that students of history should realize that the history of the ninja was kept by observers writing about their activities as seen from the outside.

"Ninjutsu did not come into being as a specific well defined art in the first place, and many centuries passed before ninjutsu was established as an independent system of knowledge in its own right. Ninjutsu developed as a highly illegal counter culture to the ruling Samurai elite, and for this reason alone, the origins of the art were shrouded by centuries of mystery, concealment, and deliberate confusion of history" The Historical Ninja. –By Sōke Masaaki Hatsumi

A similar account is given by Stephen K. Hayes: "The predecessors of Japan's' ninja were so called rebels favoring Buddhism who fled into the mountains near Kyoto as early as the 7th century A.D. to escape religious persecution and death at the hands of imperial forces" Ninjutsu: The Art of Invisibility.

Historical organization 

In their history, ninja groups were small and structured around families and villages, later developing a more martial hierarchy that was able to mesh more closely with that of samurai and the daimyo. These certain _ninjutsu_ trained groups were set in these villages for protection against raiders and robbers.

While ninjas were limited exclusively to males, "ninja museums" in Japan declare women to have been ninjas as well (Turnbull 2003). A female ninja may be _kunoichi_ (くノ一); the characters are derived from the strokes that make up the kanji for female (女). They were sometimes depicted as spies who learned the secrets of an enemy by seduction; though it's just as likely they were employed as household servants, putting them in a position to overhear potentially valuable information. [2

As a martial organization, ninja would have had many rules, and keeping secret the ninja's clan and the daimyo who gave them their orders would have been one of the most important ones.[_citation needed_.

_For modern hierarchy in ninjutsu, see:_ Ninjutsu

Historical garb, technique, and image 

There is no evidence that historical ninja limited themselves to all-black suits. In modern times, camouflage based upon dark colors such as dark red and dark blue can be used to give better concealment at night. Some cloaks may have been reversible: dark colored on the outside for concealment during the night, and white colored on the inside for concealment in the snow. Some ninja may have worn the same armor or clothing as samurai or Japanese peasants.

The stereotypical ninja that continually wears easily identifiable black outfits (_shinobi shozoku_) comes from the Kabuki theater. [3 Prop handlers would dress in black and move props around on the stage. The audience would obviously see the prop handlers, but would pretend they were invisible. Building on that willing suspension of disbelief, ninja characters also came to be portrayed in the theater as wearing similar all-black suits. This either implied to the audience that the ninja were also invisible, or simply made the audience unable to tell a ninja character from many prop handlers until the ninja character distinguished himself from the other stagehands with a scripted attack or assassination.

Ninja boots (_jika-tabi_), like much of the rest of Japanese footwear from the time, have a split-toe design that improves gripping and wall/rope climbing. They are soft enough to be virtually silent. Ninja also attached special spikes to the bottoms of the boots called _ashiko_.

The actual head covering suggested by Sōke Masaaki Hatsumi (in his book _The Way of the Ninja: Secret Techniques_) utilizes what is referred to as _sanjaku-tenugui_, (three-foot cloths). It involves the tying of two three-foot cloths around the head in such a way as to make the mask flexible in configuration but securely bound. Some wear a long robe, most of the time dark blue (紺色 _kon'iro_) for stealth.

Associated equipment 

The assassination, espionage, and infiltration tasks of the ninja led to the development of specialized technology in concealable weapons and infiltration tools.

Specialized weapons and tactics 

Ninja also employed a variety of weapons and tricks using gunpowder. Smoke bombs and firecrackers were widely used to aid an escape or create a diversion for an attack. They used timed fuses to delay explosions. _Ōzutsu_ (cannons) they constructed could be used to launch fiery sparks as well as projectiles at a target. Small "bombs" called _metsubushi_ (目潰し, "eye closers") were filled with sand and sometimes metal dust. This sand would be carried in bamboo segments or in hollowed eggs and thrown at someone, the shell would crack, and the assailant would be blinded. Even land mines were constructed that used a mechanical fuse or a lit, oil-soaked string. Secrets of making desirable mixes of gunpowder were strictly guarded in many ninja clans.

Other forms of trickery were said to be used for escaping and combat. _Ashiaro_ are wooden pads attached to the ninja's _tabi_ (thick socks with a separate "toe" for bigger toe; used with sandals). The _ashiaro_ would be carved to look like an animal's paw, or a child's foot, allowing the ninja to leave tracks that most likely would not be noticed.

Also a small ring worn on a ninja's finger called a _shobo_ would be used for hand-to-hand combat. The _shobo_ (or as known in many styles of _ninjutsu_, the _shabo_) would have a small notch of wood used to hit assailant's pressure points for sharp pain, sometimes causing temporary paralysis. A _suntetsu_ is very similar to a _shobo_. It could be a small oval shaped piece of wood affixed to the finger by a small strap. The _suntetsu_ would be held against a finger (mostly middle) on the palm-side and when the hand was thrust at an opponent using the longer piece of wood to target pressure points such as the solar plexus.

Ninja also used special short swords called _ninjaken_, or _shinobigatana_. _Ninjaken_ are smaller than katana but larger than wakizashi. The _ninjaken_ was often more of a utilitarian tool than a weapon, not having the complex heat treatment of a usual weapon. Another version of the ninja sword was the _shikoro ken_ (saw sword). The _shikoro ken_ was said to be used to gain entry into buildings, and could also have a double use by cutting (or slashing in this case) opponents.

In popular culture 

_Main article: __Ninja in popular culture_

Ninja appear in both Japanese and Western fiction. Depictions range from realistic to the fantastically exaggerated.

In the mid-1960s the Japanese TV series _The Samurai_ created a major wave of popularity for the ninja in Japan, and this was replicated in several other countries where the series was screened, most notably in Australia, where the program's popularity rivaled its following in Japan among children.

In Masashi Kishimoto's popular manga/anime _Naruto_, ninja are the main focus and ruling power.

_Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles_ (TMNT) originally was intended to satirize the characterizations of ninja in the Western comics, primarily drawing on the fictionalized representations created by Frank Miller in Marvel's _Daredevil_ comics of the late 1970s and early 1980s.

Many sources, including books, television, movies, and websites are portraying ninja in non-factual ways, often for humor or entertainment. Popular examples include the _Real Ultimate Power_ website and book, the _Ninja Spirit_ parody video series, and the _Ask a Ninja_ podcast and website which are satirically written, feigning obsessive over-enthusiasm for ninja. _Ninja Burger_ presents a fiction in which Ninja can be hired to deliver fast food in 30 minutes or less without being seen, or, on failure, commit seppuku.

More popular western fictional ninja have appeared in _American Ninja_ parts 1-5, and the TMNT franchise, among others.

Ninja frequently appear in videogames (i.e. _Tenchu_, _Ninja Gaiden_, _Shinobi_, _Shinobido_), where they have gained as strong a following among gamers as they have among movie-goers.

In the movie _You Only Live Twice_ James Bond is brought to a government ninja training camp by the head of the Japanese secret service, Tiger Tanaka, and survives several assassination attempts there.

Kawasaki Heavy Industries adopted the name "Ninja" for one of their lines of sportsbikes. (See Kawasaki Ninja.)

--------------end----this-is-good-torture,-no?--------------------------------------------------------

Kira and Thorn had a relatively normal afternoon. not worth typing.

--------------

In the evening, the four of them had dinner in the oh-so-shiny-poke-your-eyes-out dining room. It was so shiny, they all had to wear sunglasses. Even though it was nighttime. yeah. They had 5 courses. appetizers, soups, main dishes, side dishes, and dessert. Then they went to bed.

------------

The next morning,

Murtagh: AAAAHHH!!!! WTF?!?!

Char: NINJA RAID!!!

and so they were raided by ninjas. the ninjas stole .. nothing. they were captured by Kira's oh-so-complicated-sophisticated-u-cant-understand-bcoz-ur-a-human burglar alarms. and they were tortured by Kira.

Kira: they were sent by….

-evil background music-

Char: You?

-evil bg music-

Kira: NO, DUMBASS. They were sent by…

-evil suspense music-

Thorn: where is that music coming from?

-small orchestra in the corner-

Kira: okaaayy… they were sent by….

Char: Marvin the Martian?

Murtagh: -chokes on water he was drinking- wait--- where did this come from? and who's marvin the martian?!?

Kira: no.

Char: King Galby?

Thorn: -raises eyebrow, or something like that- _Galby?_

Kira: no.

Char: Roy Mustang? The Fuhrer? The Homunnculi?

Kira: no.

Char: Jack Sparrow? Davy Jones? The weird pirate bloke who lost his teeth?

Kira: -nonchalant- no.

Char: Lord Voldemort? Dumbledore? Harry Potter? Umbridge?

Kira: are you even thinking? how would harry potter get a hold of a bunch of ninjas?!?

Char: Sauron? Saruman? the One Ring?

Kira: no… It's…

---------dun dun duuuun--------------

A/N: ok. this is stupid. but fun. i'm bored. it's raining. my parents aren't home to find out about my secret account. i'm bored.

Disclaimer: DON'T OWN, DON'T SUE.

Review note:BURN MY FIC, JUST PLEASE REVIEW!!!

----------that rhymes…------------------


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